somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Randomize
