She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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