get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
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She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
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You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
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