awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
Randomize
