Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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