it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
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