Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Randomize
