Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
