That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
