I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
You made out with two different species that night
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
Randomize
