He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Randomize
