You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
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