just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
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All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
She's the barista slut.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
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just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
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