If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
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