I think i peed on brittanys purse
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Randomize
