Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Randomize
