K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
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