She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
Randomize
