A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
How many fucks given?
0.12846
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
Randomize
