the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
She bit a glass in half.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
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