I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Randomize
