I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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