That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
