On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
