For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
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