Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
