I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
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