when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
