I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Randomize
