I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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