does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
