my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
