i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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