You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
Randomize
