You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
