I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
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