i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
just tell him i said nine months
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
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its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
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They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
You are a genius and a whore.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
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