Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Randomize
