How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
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