everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
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