guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Randomize
