I CAN MOONWALK!
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
