Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize