you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
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