i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
