Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
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