Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
Randomize
