he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
