UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
