I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Randomize
