why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
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when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
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then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
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