My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
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