I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
