I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
Randomize
