your thong is hanging out like whoa
...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
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