There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
Randomize
