my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Randomize
