i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
What drink are we having for lunch?
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize
