Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
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