so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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