how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Randomize
