my soul wont recognize me after tonight
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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