i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
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