I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
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