New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Randomize
