Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
