I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
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