I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
Randomize
