finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
Your shirt... Was in my pants
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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