Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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