I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
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