Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
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