I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize
