I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
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