I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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