oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
I'm both gender and math confused
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
