I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize
