Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
Randomize
